Losing oneself

Although I update all the blog posts of Gnana Deepam Trust (www.gnana-deepam-trust.blogspot.in) they are technically not mine. So this is my blog entry after a long time... Really long time.

"WONDERFUL, it is to lose oneself in the work.
BEAUTY, it is to lose oneself in the duty. "

                              - Anon.

I should admit that I have been lost many a time when I worked on some projects of Gnana Deepam Trust. I never felt bad about that. On the contrary I was more than happy to lose myself in my work. I have immersed myself in the works so much so that at times I would be preparing a document for the trust regardless of an assignment that is due or without preparing for a test. Similarly I have lost myself while playing CHESS or VOLLEY BALL!

In the recent times I have stopped doing the things that I hold dear to myself.

• Writing.
• Playing Chess.
• My poems.

When I look back for the reasons that made me to be away from all these... I wasn't able to find (m)any. May be the different things that I had in my mind like the poems, project, story, Gnana Deepam Trust, Experience, Civil service, age etc. made me to think a lot & as a resultI ended up doing nothing. MAY BE...

It is true that I can never take Gnana Deepam Trust out of myself. It is also true that I fell in love with the ICICI Fellowship. I have this huge passion for the story that I have came up with. Also true is that I am completely hopeless in my project with Lok Mitra. Although I am slowly picking up Hindi, it is almost impossible to prepare a curriculum & a manual for the running of residential educational camps for the out of the school students. All these things have kept my previously occupied mind as completely occupied!

BUT...

Was I really that busy? Was I too busy to write my journal?

The answer is  NO. NOT AT ALL!

I have always had problems with priorities and prioritisation. I will be doing something important rather than doing the urgent things. I slowly tried to move away from that and in the end I think I made a mistake. I prioritised the project (URGENT) now rather than doing the book & the blog & the game(IMPORTANT). When the URGENT things hit upon a rock & moved nowhere... I too was stuck. In fact I was lost... I didn't know what to do... I was unable to finish the URGENT things & as a result I was unable to move to the important things too...

Recently I started feeling the difference... I realised that I lost myself "TO" the work rather than losing myself "IN" the work.  The difference is just simple. It is the difference between you holding your breath inside the water for pushing yourselves to the limit AND someone pushing you inside the water. When you push yourselves to the limit you feel happy to have surpassed what you have previously did but when someone else pushes you inside it feels very bad & life threatening.

So... I found myself... I decided to swim & sink myself in the work.
So... I decided to losing myself in the work because...

"WONDERFUL, it is to lose oneself in the work.
BEAUTY, it is to lose oneself in the duty. "

                              - Anon.